Three years have gone by and all I can think of is, man I have wasted so much time.  Hurt and darkness continue only to make me feel like my life is actually a living hell. I can’t believe I have let it continue over and over again. A nagging pain deep in side me only hides at times and then fights to get out at the strangest moments. I ask myself, why do you let this happen to you over and over again. You give your all and in return seems like you receive nothing.

   God please just take my life in your hands completely and give me the answers to all the questions that seem to just float around in my head. Bouncing against the walls causing confusion and headache. It makes no sense at all. I know I’m not crazy. I feel trapped inside of a bubble, floating over my life seeing how things have repeated itself yet with only minor twist. The outcome is always the same, me left with a shattered heart with no one to pickup the pieces except you Lord.

All I need is to clear my mind and let you lead me. Piece my heart back together and let you hold it in your hands. Wrap your arms around me Lord for, I’m afraid of falling in a deep dark hole that I will never come out of.  Oh that devil knows my weakness and traps me every time. This time seems to be the worst, but if I continue to pray and keep you close to me Lord, this too  shall pass. The time it takes to heal again seems to be centuries away.

We ask for life to be like a fairy tale, well at least I know I have and it seems that when I feel its close to the Happy Ending, the wicked step mother comes out and ruins everything. All we want in life is to have someone to spend the rest of our lives with, that someone who will always be there to take care of us. Through sickness and health are the vows said by many but in so many ways they are broken. We want that one true love to be with us, comfort us, give up or put on hold their dreams. Why must it be so hard?

I do not know or have all the answers I just know that I’m hurting and the only thing I know do to at this time is let go of it all and move on with my life.