Inspire Me

   Three years have gone by and all I can think of is, man I have wasted so much time.  Hurt and darkness continue only to make me feel like my life is actually a living hell. I can’t believe I have let it continue over and over again. A nagging pain deep in side me only hides at times and then fights to get out at the strangest moments. I ask myself, why do you let this happen to you over and over again. You give your all and in return seems like you receive nothing.

   God please just take my life in your hands completely and give me the answers to all the questions that seem to just float around in my head. Bouncing against the walls causing confusion and headache. It makes no sense at all. I know I’m not crazy. I feel trapped inside of a bubble, floating over my life seeing how things have repeated itself yet with only minor twist. The outcome is always the same, me left with a shattered heart with no one to pickup the pieces except you Lord.

All I need is to clear my mind and let you lead me. Piece my heart back together and let you hold it in your hands. Wrap your arms around me Lord for, I’m afraid of falling in a deep dark hole that I will never come out of.  Oh that devil knows my weakness and traps me every time. This time seems to be the worst, but if I continue to pray and keep you close to me Lord, this too  shall pass. The time it takes to heal again seems to be centuries away.

We ask for life to be like a fairy tale, well at least I know I have and it seems that when I feel its close to the Happy Ending, the wicked step mother comes out and ruins everything. All we want in life is to have someone to spend the rest of our lives with, that someone who will always be there to take care of us. Through sickness and health are the vows said by many but in so many ways they are broken. We want that one true love to be with us, comfort us, give up or put on hold their dreams. Why must it be so hard?

I do not know or have all the answers I just know that I’m hurting and the only thing I know do to at this time is let go of it all and move on with my life.

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The New HBO tv show started this season. It airs every Sunday at 10pm eastern time, after the infamous TRUE BLOOD!

An average guy with a low pay job, broken marriage finds himself at  a all time low.  Ray Drecker (Thomas Jane) finds himself taking a class to help him find his inner entrepreneur. A former colleague of some sorts (Tanya) becomes part of the class as well catching back up with Drecker with a little one on one action. Then during their odd argument of some sort he realizes what he can promote to make money.  By the end of episode 1 Tanya is considered Dreckers Pimp…..

Ok ok ok now that was my little summery of the first episode of this new upcoming HBO hit. Now if you can read between the lines and into the actual title of the show you should obviously know what Ray Dreckers money maker idea is. Personally I think the show had a little drug out process to start it off and the concept of the story line is good but the way the show was lined up and played out was a little shabby. One good start of this show is the start when Ray Draker walks through the city taking pieces of clothing off till he gets to his home in his boxers gets to the deck at the water in his back yard and jumps in the lake naked!

If  you can make it past the first episode and I’m sure you will because you will want to know how all of this money making is gonna pan out for Ray Drecker you will be pleased with whats to come in the upcoming episodes.

My heart aches

My mind seems blank

Tears are trapped behind the eyes

My soul bleeds

And everything I see reminds me

Why is life so complicated?

I’m so lost right now I can’t even find words to express my emotions.

It’s there I feel it, I know its pushing to get out of me.

I see you reaching out to me now but why,

Why, after so long. I once was yours and only yours, but you wanted another.

Crushed and broken yet I still stayed true to you and what was ours. Time passes

on as life begins to make sense. Often do I wonder why things are the way they

are and I openly dreamed of a life with you. It’s all changed now but My love for

you is the same. My heart is filled with love for you, and my mind is filled with

warm and happy memories that will never fade away, but there is a time in every

one’s life that there must be change, and our relationship has changed. Though

you may hate me, my love for you will stay the same.

Sitting in my room just typing away on my laptop hearing the imaginations of three children in the distance. Its amazing how a child can be any thing they want to be in that matter of an hour. Mother, Father, sister, brother, girlfriend,boyfriend,cop,dancer,singer,store clerk, or whatever! Every other word I hear is “pretend”! Pretend I’m a new girl and pretend that you like me! Pretend that everyone was throwing flowers at us because they love us. Hearing a three year old singing “Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me” is totally disturbing but its cute in a way! 

Kids will be kids and they are amazing. Alot can be learned just by sitting back and listening to what they have to say. Because the most exciting stories could come out of the smallest child.

 

 

Written By: Charity Diane Scott

People go through life everyday playing this game with their emotions. Starting a relationship with someone that is unsure of themselves and where they stand in life will definitely mean, they are not  sure of a relationship and this will only make your life miserable. Life is a battle and every step or decision we make is us fighting in this battle to win for our lives. Getting hooked in a relationship that has no boundaries or no concept is a loosing fight. A relationship surrounded by confusion or multiple persons will also become a loosing battle. 

Be sure of the situation you are in yourself. Make a note of weather this person is worth struggling for and if you are even willing to meet the requirements at hand. We often get in these situations and insist on staying because for certain aspects that amaze us. But is that going to hold you together for the next 50years? We must often question our life and the life of the other. 

 

to be continued….

 

 

 

By: Charity Diane Scott

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I sit alone at night wondering why things happen the way they do. Why do we have to get hurt and feel the pain that comes upon us? Life is such a huge struggle and we will never really be able to understand it. I fight everyday to stay sane but things continue to happen to me making me feel like going crazy. I  wish crying would wipe it all away after the last tear drop. Its never over it only sleeps. My heart feels like its about to burst with all of its sadness and 

when I feel that I have finally found that certain happiness to take its place, it all happens again practically the same way. My world seems to be set on a loop, with different characters each time. I ask myself why…why do I have to have such a big heart? Why do I give in so easy and take so much? Why do I always seem to ask for the torture? Its not fair…I hate being me at times. If it 

wasn’t for my children I would take back every single minute of my life. 

I don’t want to think anymore, feel anymore or breathe anymore. Take it all away from me and let me be in peace please, for this life of misery is consuming me and changing me. I wish there was an erase button in our minds so that I could erase every bad moment and every moment that pierced our heart. 

When Will It Be Over? Will It Ever Be Over?

 

Written By: Charity Diane Scott

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I live my life by faith. 

Every breath I take is by faith

Every step I take is by faith

and Every move I make  is by faith

for God is the Almighty miracle worker and has 

given me life.

Without faith I could not see another day 

Without faith my children would not have their mother

Faith holds me together  for God carries me everyday

Faith is the warmth on the cold nights and the comfort in my time of need

God guides me, leads me and strengthens me and by faith I believe. 

My life is LIFE because of My FAITH

 

Written By: Charity Diane Scott